Several years ago, I found myself wondering how best to interact with my college-aged son. He was living on his own, making good choices, and handling life respectfully well. Occasionally, he would share a struggle or describe a situation that tempted me to provide what I’ll call unsolicited wisdom.
The tension was real: Should I step in and share what life had taught me over the years, or should I let him figure things out for himself? We both know that experience is life’s best teacher—but also its riskiest.
Then another thought hit me. Relationships evolve. My role as a father was changing, but that didn’t mean I had to stop offering guidance. After all, we seek out coaches and consultants all the time to help us make better decisions. That was it—we were moving from management to consulting.
So, I brought my inner struggle to my son. I told him I would be deeply disappointed if I had insight into a situation and didn’t share it. At the same time, I didn’t want him to stop telling me things because I was constantly butting in. So we made a deal—well, more accurately, I made an offer, and he accepted it.
I would share Unsolicited Wisdom—insights I had gained through experience, mentors, and the wisdom of the ages—and it would remain just that: an offer. He could consider it, test it, and ultimately choose to accept or reject it.
So far, it’s worked well. Sure, I sometimes slip into the “shoulds”—as in you should think about it this way or you shouldn’t forget to try this. But I do my best to stick with life lessons and let him decide how to apply them.
A Few Caveats
Of course, my son already understood these things, but I want you to know them, too.
- I am a deeply committed follower of Jesus and believe biblical wisdom is not just theoretical—it works in real life.
- I am a pastor, a licensed counselor, and a lifelong learner who can’t resist buying the latest book or online course.
- I am fascinated by how brain science, evidence-based counseling theories, ancient philosophy, and scripture often arrive at similar conclusions in different ways. When that happens, I pay attention.
My son and daughter are both adults now, and we have a similar agreement. I offer wisdom as life presents it—sometimes from personal experience, sometimes from centuries-old voices—and they are free to take it, try it on, and keep what works.
I plan to do the same with this blog, Unsolicited Wisdom. The deal is the same for you as a reader: If something resonates, take it and try it. If not, set it aside.
After all, it’s just unsolicited wisdom.
The thoughts shared here are for reflection and discussion, not professional counseling or advice. If you’re facing a mental health challenge, please seek support from a licensed professional. If you need assistance immediately, call 988.
